Transcription
Welcome to Empowered Leadership Coaching with Tabitha, the podcast that helps you take the driver's seat in your career and accelerate toward your goals. Ladies, today we're diving into a topic that comes up all the time in my coaching sessions and in general conversations. And that topic is confidence.
So many women, especially Gen Xers like me will ask, but if I say that, doesn't that sound cocky? I'm here to tell you, no ladies, it's not cocky. It doesn't sound cocky. It's confidence. It's confidence. And that's okay. In this episode, we're going to explore the difference between confidence and cockiness.
We'll talk about why confidence is critical for your career and how you can start embracing your power today. And by the way, doesn't that sound cocky is a question I've never been asked by a male client. So let's dive in. We're going to start by breaking down the between confidence and cockiness.
Confidence is about knowing your value and being unapologetic about your strengths. It's visible, and confident people never intend to bring other people down. In fact, when a confident person walks into the room, you actually notice that the vibration rises, and it starts pulling confidence out of other people.
Cockiness, on the other hand, it's often rooted in insecurity and the need to prove yourself, often at the expense of others. You're all picturing someone's face right now, I know it, but you know what I mean. Unfortunately, society has conditioned many of us as women to downplay our strengths, making us feel like confidence is the same thing as being cocky, but it's not.
Confidence is your right, and it's essential for you to own it. Now, every client I've worked with has to create a list of 50 things she's most proud of. Most of my clients are Gen X women, not all, but the majority. They say your vibe attracts your tribe. So I'd be interested in learning, um, if most of my listeners are Gen X also, because, um, it seems to be, Who I attract the most, but anyway, neither here nor there, the only rules I set for that list and it's pre work for a coaching program.
The first rule is that the first five items on the list have to be career accomplishments. That's because often this list is our foundation for resumes and interview prep work, sometimes for helping women recognize their value at work, but the rest of the list can be anything you want. The other expectation is that this list is completed by the time we meet for our first session.
So normally about a week and it might shock you or not, but the average number of items on my client's list, It's usually around 20. So one of my clients we'll talk about a little bit today. Her name is Susan. She was really struggling with confident. She is an amazing person. And I know this because not only is she my client now, but I worked with her years back in my old job.
And I always looked at her as just this very sharp, articulate, successful woman. It turned out she was really struggling with her confidence after some changes she had been through at work and just not quite finding her way in her latest role and really comparing herself to her boss who has a completely different way of doing things.
And she was so worried that taking credit for her work would make her seem cocky that she was playing really small and staying really quiet, literally working behind the scenes and the trenches with her team. Most of the time we spent a lot of time working on reframing her mindset, helping her understand that sharing her successes.
Isn't boasting at all, but it's demonstrating that she knows herself. She knows her value and she's able to use that information to inspire her team and drive success for the business. It was crucial for her to recognize how she led her team to success. So many leaders, especially female leaders. We are amazing about getting in there with our team and being all in and doing all the things.
And that's incredible. But when you want to land a promotion, you have to show how you're helping your team be more incredible, how you're helping guide them to achieving goals, how you're inspiring them to do certain things. And once she started recognizing this, she realized how confident she deserved to be.
Now her big goal was to be promotion ready so that when an opportunity opened up, she would be ready for it. So when she finally started speaking up because, and spoiler alert for a future episode, , I sent her on a visibility quest, which is another big piece of becoming promotion ready, the response was overwhelming as she's meeting new leaders or even leaders who didn't know her as well, or who knew her as more of a quiet, Contributor.
The response was overwhelming as she started talking about her success and her value. She was definitely feeling more respected as she owned her achievements. In fact, her leader started sending her into senior leadership meetings to present and to fill in when she wasn't available. So just being able to build that confidence made such a difference for her and her current role, which is now her past role.
We're getting there. , but in fact, when she shared her promotion goal with another leader at the company, he said, Oh, I thought you were already a director. The fact is that her confidence really helped her take it to the next level. It helped her establish herself as that forward thinking, accomplished leader, and it did lead to her promotion.
Now, Susan nicknamed me, her confidence whisperer. She also calls me her career therapist, which I tell her she can't call me therapist cause I'm not. But we do joke about that, but that confidence whisperer really stuck. And it's one of the things that I would say that every single one of my client compliments me on.
And I hear, I don't know how you did it, but my confidence is through the roof. And I actually had one client, Carla, she said, well, why don't you lead with that when you're having a conversation with a prospective client? And I said, well, most people don't really realize that their confidence isn't where it deserves, where they deserve to have it.
And so they don't always realize that that's what they need. It's just part of the process. When you work with me. So as you can guess, I'm pretty passionate about confidence. , obsessed with it is probably putting it mildly. But it's because confidence is absolutely the secret sauce to the career success recipe.
It's what allows you to take risks. To speak up in meetings, to go after the opportunities you deserve, and to really stop playing small and put yourself out there. In my book, Promotion Ready in Three Months, The Women's Guide to Career Advancement, I talk a lot about how confidence can make the difference between getting your promotion or really just staying stuck and not understanding why.
When you know your worth and build your confidence, you're more likely to advocate for yourself. And start taking those brave steps that you need to take to advance your career. I had another client who was actually up for a promotion, but she didn't quite think she was ready. Those of you who struggle with perfection paralysis, welcome to the club.
This was completely her situation. And it was just, I need one more degree. I need one more of this. I need to do that. I need a little more experience in this. And after we started working together and building her confidence. She not only applied for her promotion when it was posted. But negotiated a higher salary because she could articulate why she deserved that higher salary and why she was a catch and belonged in that position.
That confidence shift can be such a game changer. So I really challenge you to start thinking about measure your confidence. Let's say, you know, when you came into this podcast this morning or afternoon or whatever time it is, wherever you're at, , on a scale of one to 10, how would you have rated your confidence?
And then I want you to rate it at the end of this podcast and then after you start taking some of the steps that I'm about to recommend. Now there's a couple of ways, a lot of ways really to build unshakable confidence. But one thing I always say, and you've all heard it right, fake it till you make it.
That is complete crap. When it comes to confidence, do not fake it until you make it. It's exhausting to fake it. It's exhausting to pretend to be something you aren't, especially when that thing you're pretending to be is confident and people will sniff it out. So don't fake it until you make it. I want you to build it until you feel it.
And here's how a couple of strategies can help you build that confidence. So, first of all, I've already shared creating that list of 50 things you're most proud of and keep it handy as a reminder of your amazingness. Once you get to 50, add to that list every single month.
And if you're looking for inspiration, thinking, Oh my gosh, what am I proud of? Look at yourself as a whole person. Do the one thing that I asked my clients to do start with your top five career accomplishments, just so that you have those out of the way and you can update your resume if you'd like, but think about other things that really matter.
Things that matter to me that are on my list. I've rescued my last two dogs. My current one is living her best life right behind me right now, listening to everything I say all day long, every day. So anyway, she's my chief happiness officer, Missy Marie. , another thing is I've raised an amazing son and he never once thought he couldn't be an entrepreneur.
He went straight from a couple of years of college, some acting school straight into becoming an entrepreneur, not afraid to take some risks. , I myself took a brave leap from the safety of my corporate job. You know, more than 30 years in the corporate world into this unknown world of entrepreneurship.
Yeah, I knew I'm a, I could be a great coach. I already was one. I didn't know anything about running my own business. So that was pretty cool. I mean, think about the things that matter the most to you and write it down. And if you find yourself, when you get that list done, thinking, man, that was really hard work.
I don't know. I don't know how I'm feeling. Go and record that. Grab your iPhone, get to the voice memo app and record your list. And anytime you need a confidence boost. Lay it back because hearing these accomplishments and things that you're so proud of in your own voice, it is so powerful. Another strategy is practicing positive self talk.
So we all know, and we've heard that your mind believes what you tell it. Catch yourself when negative thoughts creep in and replace it with a positive twist. So an example might be, I don't think I can really do this. Two, I've absolutely got this. I figured out harder things before, or I will get it, or I don't understand how to do this yet.
I'm going to figure it out. Simple reframes in the way that you talk to yourself can make such a difference. Another strategy is stepping out of your comfort zone. Confidence grows when you challenge yourself, taking on new projects that stretch your ability, speaking up in meetings, or presenting where you normally stay quiet and heaven forbid.
Probably multitask. Stop doing that. , but get to a space where you can speak up, present on a topic that you're passionate about, or you're excited about. Really start to embrace those opportunities that push you beyond your comfort zone. And another strategy is seeking feedback and mentorship. Surround yourself with a dream team of mentors and peers who can support your growth.
Feedback is such a powerful tool when it comes to building confidence is it really helps you see yourself through the eyes of others and it reinforces your strengths. Now to overcome that fear of being seen as cocky, We definitely want to talk about that common concern, right? The big fear is, but what if people think I'm cocky?
Here is the thing peeps confident people don't need to put others down to feel good about themselves. Confidence is a quiet strength where cockiness comes from a place of insecurity. Another thing I like to say is confidence comes from facts. So an example of that would be in a job interview. We're all nervous, right?
But you've prepared because you've worked with me and you know how, when you get in that job interview, you have to come across as confident, which means you're sharing facts about your experience and metrics about your accomplishments. And you're showing that. I can confidently share this information with you because it's who I am.
It's part of the value that I bring to this company or this role. So confidence is really that great quiet strength and it's okay to own your success and speak up about your achievements. That's how you inspire others and really set an example of what's possible. A way to help elevate other women who might be struggling with confidence, or maybe for some of the men who are listening, make space for practice.
When you hear a woman downplaying her achievement, pump the brakes, ask a couple of more of additional questions about that success, help her be confident and comfortable in sharing it and then celebrate it with her. You know, I've got a lot of friends who are really introverted people and getting them to talk about something really great that they've done.
It can be like pulling teeth sometimes. And I laugh because I was a guest on another podcast a couple months ago, and. We were talking about, you know, really the difference in how men and women do things. And we joked, I said, you know, when there's the dishwasher and everybody's house, there's a dishwasher.
And if you've got a spouse or significant other, whoever's in the house with you, right. A woman will go and unload that dishwasher that is stacked as far as it can be stacked. She'll put everything away. She'll shut the dishwasher. She'll move on to the next task. A man will come in and confidently tell you,
106 items counting the silverware, and I am ready to move on to the next chore. He's confident, and he's standing there waiting for you to celebrate him. We've got to get some of that for ourselves, ladies. That's how we move our careers forward faster. Now, a couple of just quick action tips to help boost your confidence today.
I want you to take the strategies I gave you and start working on those. But these are just some quick tips, a couple of actionable items before we wrap up. One is starting your day with a confidence boosting affirmation. It can literally be the same exact affirmation every day. Maybe I am capable, I am strong, and I deserve success.
or I deserve to take up space in this room. Write down your affirmation, keep it with you, say it out loud every day. For those of you who are not in love with the affirmations, I always joke, I'm a little bit woo, not too woo woo, but I do like affirmations. If you're not in love with affirmations, Find your power song and listen to it.
Anytime you need a boost, there's so many great songs out there that are confidence boosting vibrations that can help you just feel so good and confident when you start your day. Or if you feel yourself slipping, just play that little song right away for body language. Look at your body language. A confident person is standing tall, shoulders back, making eye contact, using that really confident body language, how you carry yourself can completely infinite influence how confident you feel.
And another quick tip is reflection at the end of each day, reflect on what you accomplished. It doesn't matter how big or small that accomplishment is, if it's a step that's taking you forward, your confidence will build every time you celebrate a success. I hope you had some fabulous aha moments today.
And picked up a tip or two that you will implement to shift you a bit more into the driver's seat of your career until next time. Keep moving forward one small step at a time. You've got this. Be sure to give us a review wherever you're listening and access the show notes for our contact information, program information, and a few great resources.
Have a wonderful day.
